Quarterback Compliments

By Michael Epstein

It is so good to get back to football fellow NMFFL members. I missed football... a lot. This league is by far the most competitive, corrupt, and addictive league I have I had the luxury for of participating in. So how was the time off you ask? I had pretty tumultuous offseason with my league membership put up for a vote. Did I think was a serious crime by not attending the winter owners meetings? Of course not. Did I have a good reason? Of course – you try missing your Mom’s bday brunch for a fantasy football meeting. Did I think it was a joke? Of course I did… Until I got a panicked text from Trent saying that I needed to present my case.

Ultimately this proved to be a kangaroo court and a complete farce. But when you play in a league as corrupt as the NMFFL you have to prepare for the unexpected.

When thinking about this experience, I drew a lot of strength from the Golden Boy Tom Brady and his perseverance through the deflategate saga. Neither of us was forewarned of the punishment (4 games / membership removal). Neither of us knew exactly what we were being punished for.

Tommy and myself get a lot flack for the championships and smug attitude towards lesser teams. This kinship inspired me to compare everyone to a current starting NFL QB for the Week Two write up. There is no scientific reasoning behind these comparisons and they are mostly designed to be insulting. I’ll also declare a matchup of the week based on who I think has the most pivotal game. It’s good to be back boys. You can hate on greatness. But like Tom Brady, all that really matters in this league is championships. Please post your feedback and whines in the group text. Cheers to a great week of Fantasy Football Gentleman.

PK / Phillip Rivers - Big numbers ever year, but can’t remember the last time this team was a real threat. Said to be a notorious drinker and huge DGAFER. Also heard they dress pretty sharp.

Amin / Jameis Winston - Historic college raging careers (shout out UCSB), yet to be seen if that translates to pros. Terrible first week showing. Welcome to the bigs rookie.

Rios / Peyton Manning - Former champs who consider themselves the funniest players in the league (check out Peyton’s SNL skits). Will have a great career after football even though they are never touching another championship.

Cory / Tyrod Taylor - Really like these guys teams this year after being a non-factor in past. Poised for a breakout season, but can they live up to the hype after big week one victories?

Jeff / Russell Wilson - You almost felt bad for these guys (always sucking / third round pick) but now hate how cocky they have gotten after recent success. Most annoying players in the league.

Trent / Andrew Luck - Considered one of the smarter players in the league. They sometimes overthink their roles and cannot seem to get over the hump to fantasy glory. Also, can’t think of a two people who look more different.

Joel / Carson Palmer - Once well respected, now seems to just hang around. Both were pretty close once upon a time, (Joel in 09 / Palmer with the Bengals). Years of irrelevancy have taken its’ toll, but as an OG league member you have to respect their veteran know how.

Frank / Jay Cutler - Could they give less fucks if they tried?

Coby / Ryan Tannehill - Easy comparison with the team name. Both teams got off to a huge win after a really disappointing 2014 campaign. Make or break year to whether they will ever be considered elite players.

Brooks / Aaron Rodgers - Crazy how one ring turns around the narrative of a player. Brooks was looking a lot like Andy Dalton before that historic playoff run. Rodgers would be Tony Romo if he didn’t have that ring.

Scottie / Tony Romo - Speaking of Romo, this guy keeps having heartbreaking losses year after year in the playoffs. They are starting to get respect as an elite player now, but need to show it in the postseason.

Gowdy / Matthew Stafford - Are we sure they are actually good at (fantasy) football?

Wardo / Drew Brees - Wise, respected, and a former champ. One of the most boring and least controversial members. Tends to put up big numbers every year.

Crawf / Colin Kaepernick - Sketchiest looking players in the league (moustache for crawf / bicep tats for Kaep). Total boom or bust players, you never know if they are going to crush their opponent or lay an egg.

Benny / Blake Bortles - Pretty irrelevant to this point after their first season duds. Not really sure what we are getting with these guys. Could be out of the league in a couple years unless they figure this football thing out.

Game of the Week: Jamaa’ling Up with the Jones (1-0 / Proj 115) vs. T.Y. Sir, can I have another (0-1, Projected 94) - I really love the implications of this matchup - Can Franks new look team with Jamaal Charles pay dividends against Wardo’s pair of rookie RB’s? It is hard to dig yourself out of an 0-2 hole in this league and Wardo’s players could be on the tradeblock for a more established RB. I really like the trade from Frank’s POV, even with JC’s epic collapse last night. I think Frank pulls off the close victory here sending shockwaves throughout the NMFLL (hey, even Jay Cutler’s made the playoffs before)