The Musings of a Meatless Musician

By Benny Ward

random thoughts.

Coby - you're a cool dude. I still know your number. 903-COBY. I remember our times on the football field and the track..... never thought I'd be doing a write up about you in a fantasy league in my mid-twenties. coby, where ever you are, hope the surfs good.

Trent - I pretty much saved your life. not really. but that's what I tell people. I still remember that fateful night. I was hanging with some chick and I saw your number pop up on my phone. I thought, why is he calling me and not Alex? I still don't know why I answered, but I'm glad I did. you're a weird but cool dude. you seem to know a lot about football, but your team still always sucks. anyway, hope med school or whatever the fuck you doing is sick.

Epstein - I don't know you. in my mind you look like Mike puncel (for those who know who that is) you seem like a pretty low key dude. I like that. I don't know why you tend to be so good in fantasy. but I could say the same about myself. I don't think we'll ever meet, but I'm okay with that.

Peter - I liked you more before fantasy. in middle school and high school I thought your were p cool, but now you just seem like a total douche. I could be wrong. didn't you go to school in riverside? that must have sucked. I'm going to kick your ass this week. that is all.

Rios - such an enigma to me. you always were p chill, but I never thought you were as cool as people made you out to be. my first encounter with you was in football and you were puking up eggs on the field. I've never forgotten that and have always been a little grossed out by you. seems like you're doing cool shit with usc now. I'm sure you're really proud of that.

Cory - never thought much of you. you were always that lacrosse kid that I never talked to. I'm a little surprise you like football so much. but you like my dog and you seem p chill right now in life. I've said more to you in the last 12 hours than I did throughout high school. you cool dude.

Joel - met you playing hockey. weird. you're a cool dude. you came to my show and bought a shirt. that was v sick. I forget what you're doing in Seattle, but it's dope you live there unlike most these nerds. sorry you're team sucks this year. but I'm sure you're used to it by now.

Frank - we were never close. I don't know why we ever would be. you were always just that soccer kid who happened to do track. I always forget you're in this league. I have no reason not to like you. but at the same time no reason to really think your too cool. so yeah.

Gowdy - I've grown to enjoy your fratboy mentality a lot over the years. truly goes to show that you can be friends with anyone. I remember when you first fucked up your knee and everyone thought you were faking it. you sure showed them. sorry about the Eugene game last week. damn.

Amin - never really liked you. you seemed like a real dick in high school. that's just me, though. but then you moved into my house kinda out of nowhere and I realized how wrong I was. you're a p chill dude. and you can be funny sometimes. hope med school is going well. sorry your first year in the league is starting so shitty.

Scottie - I've known you for a p long time. you've always been super chill. that's just who you are. I'm not sure if you still live in NYC, but I always thought that made you kinda interesting. hope all is well.

Brooks - you've always been kind of a weirdo to me. but I've liked you regardless. I remember when you dislocated your shoulder throwing a dodgeball. doesn't seem like you've toughened up much. overheard you talking about how you do improv now. that's fucking weird.

Jeff - the hated one. I've always enjoyed the shit talking this league has bestowed upon you. but I've always admired your ability to look beyond it and continue on. but who knows, maybe your crying every night. whenever I think of you I think of almonds. and how much you hate gay people. fuck you, Jeff.

Crawford - the only reason I'm in this league. you're my ghost fantasy advisor. I wouldn't care about football if it wasn't for you. which isn't a whole lot. thanks for watching my dog when I'm out of town.

Wardo - the gentle giant. you're probably the sickest dude in this league. imo. you're also the one dude I've known the longest. hope Boston is treating you well. thanks for reminding me to do this stupid write up thing.